Throwing Tantrums and Venting Out are a Child’s Way to Process Disappointments and Rejections


Venting out our frustrations, negativity, feelings and emotions is indisputably therapeutic, healing and cathartic while having a positive impact on our emotional health. As grown-ups we show no qualms to wear our feelings and emotions on our sleeves. Sometimes we release them without any consideration to the surroundings, situations and people around us. We don’t mind venting out impulsively and acting mindlessly without a thought. As we are not conscious enough of our own feelings and not mindful enough to discriminate, analyse and judge if they are positive or negative to be acted upon we generally tend to go with the flow of things and end up performing actions just based on our fickle impulses, rigid perceptions, screwed up thought processes and limiting beliefs and misunderstandings as well as our personal conditioning.

Often inadvertently and unwittingly we end up taking out our negative emotions on our loved ones especially our children who are extremely close to us and who spend most of their waking moments with parents, all the time watching our behavior only growing up to reflect our negative tendencies, patterns and values. Therefore it becomes all the more important for parents to practise mindfulness and be conscious when they are around their children so they don’t the emit any of the negative vibes they are feeling within and project them onto their children who are usually quick to pick them up and develop their personal attitudes and tendencies by simply watching us and learning from us. Children grow up to emulate our mental patterns and even reflect our values, beliefs and thought-processes so if as parents we fail in figuring out our inner-self appropriately using the right tools and techniques and if we carry around having negative and false perceptions of the self and others, our kids are likely to be impacted by what they see and learn from us. All the more important for parents to act as role models and lead from the front!

A few people release their negativity and project it on their dear ones. They are perpetually angry about their circumstances and situations and don’t hesitate to show and spew their inner venom on the people they love the most. They release their steam off in a way that causes much harm and usually their close ones can feel their toxic vibrations and energy. We continue to vent out our negativity in an unconscious way instead of analyzing the issues with detachment and objectivity without getting emotional and egoistic about them. We ignore and resist self-analysis, self-introspection and simply resist any advice to do the necessary inner work. Instead often we release our pent-up energies all of a sudden on our children who bear the brunt of our unconscious dimension.

Venting out appropriately is considered extremely beneficial simply because of its positive effects! Some people release in an extremely thoughtful way by sharing their emotions and feelings through discussions, casual conversations and even writing and raising the issues with the concerned individuals. They develop a fair understanding of their own selves and address their inner issues with greater maturity and sensitivity.

When as adults and parents we don’t hesitate to give expression to our negative energy why do we adopt double standards when it comes to our children? Are they not supposed to release and express their feelings and emotions and have a right to protest and stand up for what they think is justified? Parents are quick to tell off their children and label them as indisciplined, irresponsible, brattish whenever they throw tantrums by yelling, crying, shouting and even getting aggressive. We immediately devise punishments and administer timeouts as well as chart out strategies to discipline them so they would behave better. We are quick to judge and condemn them for their actions and behavior and wouldn’t mind making bold and blanket statements and judgements.

Have we ever put those labels on ourselves and passed blanket judgements on ourselves for venting our frustrations in an unhealthy manner? Letting kids to release their frustrations in a constructive manner and not allowing them to bottle up their emotions may prevent them from developing resentment in later life. By understanding why they are venting out and going deeper to find reasons for their ‘inconsiderate actions’ will allow parents to improve their dynamics and deepen ties with their children. Most of the child’s frustrations is because they failed to attain what they deeply desired. Unexpressed and deep-seated feelings and emotions can surface up in one’s adult’s life only to cause unhealthy patterns and negativity.

Allowing our children to speak up, vent out their frustrations and feelings or letting them have their opinion and say will help them process their disappointments, negativity and rejections in a rather healthier fashion. Instead of us getting angry immediately while we rush to shout at them and discipline them straight away it would be more conducive to counsel and mentor them. There are sophisticated ways to improve a child’s attitude. Most of the time, hearing out our children, listening patiently to them instead of arguing and trivializing their needs and invalidating their feelings while providing them solutions as we engage in counselling and mentoring them does the trick and immediately ends their tantrums and defiant shows.

Recognising that children are only trying to cope with their disappointments by throwing tantrums and it’s their way of venting out anger is the first step in solving issues with our children. They are only trying to process their grief and anger by venting out which is so much normal, it is only the frequency that we have to be concerned about. Venting out at regular intervals is indeed concerning and needs new ways of dealing. Once they are done releasing their negativity, a quick huddle with the children to calmly explain and point out inappropriate actions will help children to understand and recognise the inconsistencies in their behaviour and they will be more open to corrective steps then.

Categories:Intuitive and Conscious Parenting

2 comments

  1. Loved reading the post, it’s important to understand the reasons for any extreme response, more so for negative responses

    Like

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