Children squabbling over toys, personal possessions and even their favorite people and friends is a ubiquitous sight however two girls quarrelling over a boy is extremely disconcerting and disturbing for a mother to watch. When I watched two five year old girls fighting over a boy who recently befriended them as he seamlessly bonded and connected with the two of them, anxiety and embarrassment were writ large all over me. Quarrelling over a boy at once disempowers the girls and gives an indication of their own self-esteem and self-respect. It reveals their feelings, emotions and perceptions they harbor for each other and themselves. An indicator to the opinions and value they have not just for themselves but also for each other from their own narrow and limited perspectives.
Girls certainly have a clear sense of self and relate to themselves in a more natural way, but they are easily prone to conditioning by adults. Susceptible as they are to the influence of adults, they easily succumb to the external designs forgetting their own internal and true nature while inhibiting themselves from expressing freely. Girls can interpret their emotions appropriately and adequately. They have a right understanding of their needs and articulate them uninhibitedly. They are intelligent and have clear objectives and goals however due to outer patterns and alien designs that are contradictory to their very being and true self, they fall prey to the weaknesses that are generally found in adults. They soon start emulating their parents and adults around them by revealing their egoic sides usually synonymous with grown-ups and aggressive men!
Girls generally don’t operate from the egoic consciousness rather they work from the space of openness, innocence, feminine grace, acceptance and love. Therefore, it is perplexing to see girls waging egoic battles that are simply uncharacteristic of them and totally at odds with their very spirit and essence. Squabbling over boys is a direct revelation of their egoic nature that is at work. It is those horrid times when they unconsciously act of their envious nature and are completely out of touch with their authentic self. Needless to say, it is definitely unnerving to see two girls fighting over a boy which totally makes for a crippling vision for whoever beholding it. Not only does it affect the self-esteem and morale of the girls, but it shows how little they respect themselves and each other.
When girls argue, quarrel, fight and refuse to play in a group it means mostly they have lost touch with their innate essence and aren’t aligned with their noble traits of innocence, beauty, kindness, playfulness, wisdom and humor so intrinsic and natural to their psyche and personalities. Girls quarrelling over boys is a waste of their unique energy and when they are out of tune with their own inner rhythms of natural charm, intuition and discretion it is a travesty of their intrinsic creativity and intelligence. As long as girls get along well with one another and play as a team it doesn’t have any negative impacts however if arguments ensue especially over boys it does raise several questions and sets off the alarming bells. As someone who puts women’s causes at the forefront it is extremely perturbing for me to find girls arguing and fighting among themselves over who should play with the boys. Girls putting boys above themselves and not hesitating to fight each other shows how less feminine feelings matter to them.
Trivializing and undervaluing feelings and emotions of their own gender sets an unhealthy precedent. As girls, they should be taught to respect, value, understand and empathize with the feelings and emotions of their own gender before paying heed to the opinions and sentiments of the opposite gender. This is not a girls-versus boys topic and pitting the two sexes against one another but it is actually about girls cheering, supporting and standing up for their own gender and for the emotions and sentiments of their girlfriends. As I urge the two girls not to turn against one another just for a boy they get an understanding that as girls and friends they should encourage and motivate each other and especially join forces to put a united front when a boy is involved. They now recognize and know how futile and vain it is to fight over boys and in fact now say they will never give up on one another just to accommodate a boy. Their friendship is of utmost importance and simply cannot be sacrificed for the sake of boys. By fighting against their own gender, they would be committing a grave injustice and disservice to womenhood at large. It would be disgraceful to see girls battling against each other over boys and it is certainly an insult to feminine spirit and energy. It is a mockery of feminism and an insult to everything that is considered feminine. It is undeniably an assault on womenhood and a travesty of feminine spirit as well as energy!