Often misunderstandings, trust issues and misconceptions between a parent and child can easily be traced back to lack of love, absence of emotional investment and non-validation of feelings and emotions of our children. These three factors are definitely crucial for the psychological and holistic growth of the kids and if they are missing in a parent-child equation then the foundation on which our kids stand would be unhealthy, shaky, flimsy and extremely unstable. If we want our children to have a stable and secure future attracting healthy relationships and positive experiences, then loving them despite their weaknesses and limitations is vital. Judging them harshly, unfairly and misusing our power as parents to enforce discipline and condition or influence them to our ideas of greatness and perfection as also our definition of success would never go down well with our children who in all likelihood will defy and reject our opinions and all parenting notions about how children are to be raised.
Love is the basis of all relationships and children will not listen to their parents and won’t look up to them unless some degree of affection and warmth exist in the relationship. Children tend to withdraw and go into a cocoon if they start seeing more of ego and less of love from their parents. They can easily veer away from the right path and decide to take or experiment with a new route that completely clashes with their true selves and natural interests. They can even go astray if parents fail to nurture them with love, care and affection that every child rightly deserves. Many a time as parents we are busy passing instructions, messages and transmitting active and passive signals of communication to our children that we forget to show our love by taking out moments to genuinely spend time with them and say how much they mean to us and bring value and meaning to our lives. We fail to see the merit and worth they add to a family structure and don’t applaud their efforts enough and we don’t appreciate their gestures enough consequently obscuring our connection and correlation with them.
Let’s ask ourselves this – do we love them for what they truly are and for the value they have brought into our lives? Do we recognize the spiritual lessons we learn from them and deeper messages we receive from them due to their presence in our lives? Or do we love them just to enhance our own sense of self-worth and self-perception in the eyes of others. Several parents make the mistake of loving their children so that they can elevate themselves in front of others. Children become an extension of our status symbols and in some way, they become an extension of ourselves too and we feel secure in knowing that they would go on to perpetuate our family patterns, beliefs and ideas. We see in them our self-centered, narrow and limiting images of ourselves or perhaps an exaggerated idea about ourselves in our children. They are our ‘mini-me’s’ physically and psychologically. They boost our egos like nothing else. Ask yourself why you love your child dearly? Is it for personal gains that you have an affinity for them or is it that for their own genuine well-being and evolution you seek their company? If the answer is the latter then rest assured any parenting issues one may experience with their child will get resolved naturally and they must be perceived as only temporary, cosmetic and superficial problems not requiring any major interventions. They will eventually sort out on their own or just dissolve effortlessly.