Communicating Positively With Our Children Binds Them To Us


One of the critical determinants that strengthen the ties with our children is communication. Apart from listening to their emotional needs, communicating effectively and appropriately with our children sends all the right signals to them, improves ties with them, creates positive vibes and makes our bond with them stronger. Without a doubt, communication is vital in any relationship and undoubtedly plays a major role in building rapport with our primary stakeholders or people whom we consider are highly important and mean a lot to us. Communication is a crucial factor that can take us closer to people with whom we intend to deepen our connections and build relationships.  Obviously, all relationships falter and fail when our communication is weak, negative and obscure. Therefore, it is all the more important to have healthy communication with our kids so we can enjoy reliable and long-lasting ties with them. When we communicate to our child it means we are giving them our attention and recognizing their needs and concerns. We are putting in efforts to spend quality time with our children which is exactly what they are seeking deeply. Lack of communication leads to feelings of not being loved and neglecting our children emotionally.

Communicating clearly our needs and expectations from a space of understanding, love, maturity, giving and positive contribution to our children’ growth is likely to succeed and be effective in bringing parents and their children together taking off any seeming tension between them. It is only when we don’t communicate authentically and from our hearts that we are more likely to be misunderstood and our signals or vibes misinterpreted. When we communicate from our hearts where only love, joy and warmth exist it will be received and perceived rightly. However, most often our communication is not deep enough and usually comes from a place of ego blurred or obscured with our limited, false and negative ideas or bias as well as misconceptions and is normally not accepted by the kids who can only see in them messages that are confusing, abstract and distorted. In order for communication to be powerful and effective and for our messages to reach our kids as parents we should start learning to speak authentically or naturally devoid of personal motives such as greed, envy and ego as these can easily destroy and decimate relationships and connections. Being greedy for our child’s well-being and success and envious about others’ progress usually boomerangs and can hurt the child’s growth and impede his understanding of his own self and others.

How to Make Communication Effective with Your Child

  1. Constructive communication and feedback generally motivate kids and lift their spirits. Appropriate guidance should always be offered to our kids as only a parent’s attention to her child will aid the latter’s growth and development. Parents should take care not to speak negatively, insensitively and harshly to children as it destroys their self-esteem and erodes their self-worth and can distort their self-perception or understanding about themselves.
  2. Interspersing your communication with laughter, banter and love – Love and laughter break barriers and often act as ice breakers easing any stress among people. Casual and friendly banter obviously builds intimacy, relieves any tension, resolves conflicts, removes misunderstandings, clears blockages and negativity between people. Sprinkle generous amounts of love and laughter in your communication and keep your communication casual, simple and friendly instead of making it sound authoritative.
  3. Friendly and natural communication – Children enjoy natural and spontaneous conversations and interactions. Anything artificial and contrived are quickly sensed and rejected. Children are known to bond with people who lack pretense and are naturally friendly. Authoritative communication is usually resented and not well-received by the kids so use it only when it is really needed. Indiscriminate employment of authoritative communication leads to erosion of ties and bonds.
  4. Positive communication – Appreciation, acknowledging needs/feelings and positive mentoring rather than traditional lecturing and badgering usually accompanied by constant nagging of the children and frequent observations, reviews and feedback can affect a child’s performance/morale adversely so parents should take care and put in efforts to communicate positively with their children. Allowing breaks for children from constant parental observation and review relaxes the kids. Give children the space and time to grow naturally at their pace, in fact doing so hastens their learning process as children typically show rapid growth in their understanding and assimilation.
  5. Shouting and screaming are a strict no-no – Screaming and anxious interaction is in fact poor communication and for all obvious reasons it will have a negative impact on our kids.
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